These days, it is hard not to wish for things to be different. As much as I love my children, right now I see the life of my childless (or even single-child) counterparts, and I think of all the things I’d be doing with my extra time. To indulge my fantasies, I made a list.

What I’d be doing if I didn’t have kids:

Sewing masks for pregnant black women and new moms, so they can safely attend their doctor’s visits
Participating in digital activism for this year’s virtual Fashion Revolution Week
Planting a Victory Garden :)
Volunteering to do translation work for the Newberry Library
Mending all of my jeans
Reading Glennon Doyle’s Untamed
Napping
Cleaning out my basement (and finally sorting all those holiday decorations)
Avoiding other folks by playing night Frisbee on the boulevard (or just going on a run or doing a virtual yoga class whenever the mood strikes)
More of my Harvard homework…

But, as it turns out, I do have kids. And since I can’t wish them away for a couple hours a week, I really am trying to refocus my mindset. Of enjoying them being here, and being grateful for what we have.

There is always a thin silver lining, if you look hard enough. Small kindnesses, small joys. An 8-year-old helping his 5-year-old brother with letter sounds. The way the sunlight through the kitchen window changes from day to day. Friends giving away extra garden seeds, as they are in short-supply this year. The Instacart grocery order arriving with all the items you’d asked for. Spring flowers amidst all the rain.

And singing.